


The Eggplant Incident

by PinkGold



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Pacific Rim (Movies), Torchwood
Genre: Alien Technology, Crack Crossover, Diferent Dimensions, Established Relationship, Multi, and characters too, it fun, just-- have fun reading, more relationships to come (maybe), mysterious alien object
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-10 17:58:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15954572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkGold/pseuds/PinkGold
Summary: Thanks to Torchwood, there's an alien device on the loose kidnaping people from different dimensions. What happens when you bring two renowned scientists, a doctor and a janitor together?





	The Eggplant Incident

**Author's Note:**

> HEY Give this a read!!  
> I have this very strange idea for a fic, but I wanted to know if it will be well received, so this is going to be like a Pilot chapter.  
> Do tell me what you think!  
> Enjoy~

_Cardiff_

“Gwen, it’s getting closer to your side!” Tosh said through the earbud.

“I’m going in for back up.”

“No, Owen, you stay put. You are covering the left area almost on your own, we can’t leave this area empty if the alien decides to move over there. I’m sending Ianto after Gwen.” Jack made his tone very clear there was no discussion taking place, but what does he know? Jack wasn’t even in the field with them. Plus, Gwen did have a tendency of letting aliens slip through her fingers, and he wouldn’t let that happen, not on his watch.

“No, Jack. I’m going for it. Send Ianto to the left. I’m way closer to Gwen than Ianto is.” disobeying orders was kind of what he was good at.

“Owen, listen to me! Don’t you dare disrespect my authority!”

“I’m sorry Jack, but at this moment, we have other shit to focus on. Like _getting that son of a bitch_.”

He took his earbud offline and ran right towards Gwen.

\----

In the end, going to find Gwen was the right decision.  
When he found Gwen, she was laying on the ground, semi unconscious in the middle of a poor lit street.

“Shit” he kneeled by her side. “Jack” he said turning his earbud back online. “I found Gwen. She’s unconscious.”

Jack swore loudly. “Ianto, go find them.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Any sign of the alien?”

Owen sighed. Leave it to Tosh to be as cold hearted as can be in a situation like this.

“I didn’t have time to look around, Tosh. Gwen seemed more important to take care of.” he tried not to snap too much, but failed since the line went silent. “No, no sign of the alien, he left no trace behin- Oh wait.”

Owen could barely see in the dark, but he could make out a small figure of an object lying not far from them.

“What is it?” Jack asked impatiently.

“It seems some kind of _something_ ” he said, helpfully. “I don’t know what it might be, the lights are too dim to make out any description.”

“Stay put, Owen. Give me five minutes and I’m arriving with the SUV”

“Sure thing, Ianto.” and he focused on Gwen again to see if he missed any bruise.

——

The trip back to the Hub was uneventful.

Gwen had woken up the moment they’d fastened her seatbelt, and explained how she didn’t see the alien coming from behind her. Pretty common happening in Owen’s opinion.

Ianto helped him place the mysterious object in the trunk, both careful not to touch it directly (God knows what would happen if they touched it) and drove them back to the Hub without much more ado.

“Owen, bring that thing down on the medbay” Jack said, voice chilly, when they arrived at the Hub.

A couple of minutes later, the entire team gathered around the metal bed, staring at the piece of cloth that enveloped the mysterious alien object. Jack hesitated a millisecond before exposing the _thing_.

“Is it alive?”

“Looks so squishy.”

“Is it just me or it looks like an eggplant?”

They continued pondering over the object while Tosh ran some scans. It’s appearance did resemble that of an eggplant, Ianto was right. A soft looking, very deep purple object that resembled an eggplant… That was what his life had become.

“I can tell for sure this device was left behind by the alien we were chasing.” Tosh said, eyes never leaving the scanner. “But I’ve never _seen_ anything like this before.”

“Jack, any helpful insights?” Ianto asked.

“No… this- I’ve never came across anything looking like that. And that’s saying something.”

“Does it let out any kind of radiation, Tosh? Any kind of energy?” Owen asked absentminded. He was trying hard, he really was, but it looked so soft. If only he could touch it…

“Hey!” Jack said, slapping Owen’s fingers away from the AlienEggplant. When did his hands get so close to it?

“Jack, I think there might be an attraction force towards it.” Owen said, still confused by his brief moment of mild hipnosis.

“Yeah, Owen is right. I feel almost tempted to touch it as well.” Gwen said, sounding a little off put.

“Maybe we all should take a step back.” Ianto chimed in, helpfuly.

They did as told, and almost instantly, the attraction became less strong.

“Maybe it has a field of some kind.” Tosh, still not looking up from the scanner, deduced.

“Well, that’s just great.” Owen sighed. “How will I be able to find out what in the bloody hell is this device if I cannot even get a closer look?”

“Oh, I’ve got an idea.” Jack’s eyes shone bright.

\----

“Fuuuuuck Jack” Owen sighed over his computer station. He was bone tired, and for all he knew he wouldn’t be getting any sleep soon. Last time he checked, it was still four in the morning, which meant he still had three hours alone in the Hub before a soul arrived near it. “‘Get the results of the long scan tests’ he said. ‘You just let them running and can sleep in the sofa.’ Yeah, right, sleep.”

He did try to sleep in the first hours, and he thought he could really do it since Jack and Ianto were out over Ianto’s place for the night. No undesirable _noise_ coming from upstairs. But after a few scan runs he noticed how the results weren’t matching up the way they should, so he decided to take a closer look at the scanning process to see if something was going wrong.

Turned out that no, the scanners weren’t broken and indeed working perfectly as ever. As for the alien device, there were no visible changes.

Over the rest of the night, he performed all tests that were available (hell, he even x-rayed the motherfucker, not that he was able to get any result from it) and succeeded with difficulty at maintaining his distance from the device, but in the end got nothing useful out of all of them.

And now he was standing at his station writing down his report (Jack _would_ kill him if he didn’t have one by the morning) feeling tired and very pissed over the whole situation. Gwen just had to get knocked over by an alien, didn’t she? And he just had to find the purple device. Stupid, stupid. This all was just so plain stupid.

He went once again to the medbay. This time he was sure he was getting something out of that piece of shit.

“Tell me, you ugly purple piece of turd. What’s your deal. Spit it out.” maybe he was going mental, because who on their right mind would scream at a sad looking eggplant at four in the morning. But Owen didn’t care. He was out of ideas. He did everything he could and nothing gave him answers.

He let out an exasperated sigh when he received no answer. Really, what was he expecting? He took a closer look. This device probably didn’t even _do_ anything. Maybe it was just a piece of junk the alien left behind. What’s up with the purple-y color and the ellipse looking shape… it… it wasn’t ugly, was rather eye-catching if you thought about it… round and dark. Looked so soft… if he could… just… touch…

… He heard himself screaming before he could understand what was happening. He was in such pain, his fingertips felt like they were melting, and when he looked down at his hand, he realized he had his fingers pressed against the alien device. _when did this-_

Owen made his best effort to extract his burning hand from the device, when suddenly it was gone, and the next thing he knew were the white tiles pressed against his face as he passed out.

\----

_Hong Kong_

Hermann looked down at his watch, 1400. Why was Newt taking so long with his lunch? Was carrying a sandwich from the cafeteria to the lab so hard it took him an hour to get it done? He sighed, maybe he should have gone with Newt, but the equations…

Hermann was so close to a new breakthrough he couldn’t find time to walk around the PPDC aimlessly.

“Getting food in your body is not wasted time, Herms.” Newt informed him, distressed, before going to get them some food.

“It is, when you work as much as me.” but Newt was already out of earshot to hear his very intelligent comeback, so the only thing he could do was focus on the equations in his blackboard. Now with the Kaijus appearing more frequently, all he could focus on were the Jaeger advances and the his predictions. He thought Newt knew that, he was full of work as well (if you can call Kaiju guts work), as far as Hermann could tell.

Although he was making quality progress while working hard, he could admit he missed his time off. Hermann fiddled aimlessly with his ring as he got engrossed in his thoughts. What wouldn’t he give to be in their bed right at this moment, wrapped around Newt? They almost never slept at the same time anymore, and sometimes not even in their quarters, the sofa in the lab was much their bed as their mattress.

Thinking about it, when was the last time Hermann looked at Newt? Really looked at him? How _was_ Newt doing, anyway?

He sighed and placed the chalk back into its place. Never mind getting his job done while in this state, so he might as well take a break.

He heard a sharp noise coming from behind him followed by a thud in the ground.

“Newt, is that you?” he asked without turning from his way to the sofa. His leg was particularly in a bad mood today. “What took you so long? It’s just sandwiches.”

He found himself in complete silence, no sassy response, no apology, nothing. Hermann turned around and couldn’t see anyone in the lab, nor anything that could have made that noise aside from himself. He frowned as he made his way towards the general direction of the sound. He couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary anywhere, maybe the noise came from a Kaiju limb-

He noticed a strange purple... _thing_ in the ground next to the entrance. It was… it wasn’t like anything he’s seen before in his life, and that’s coming from someone who’s been working with a goddamn biologist over ten years now. But it was… beautiful. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly why, but his instincts urged him to touch it, exactly the same urge that makes you want to pet a cute tiny kitten…

… and then he touched it…

Suddenly the lab became overly quiet.

\----

A few minutes later Newt walks into the room, looking like he ran a marathon.

“I’m so- sorry Herms.” he paused to catch his breath while rubbing his eyes with his free hand. “Tendo stopped me on the way back to talk about some of our projects, then he started gossiping about Pentecost -and you know how much I love a good gossip-, but then I looked at my watch and- Herms?” Oh good, he’s been talking alone again. How many times now?

He set Herman’s sandwich carefully on his table and sat on the chair next to it. He unwrapped his own food, mouth watering only with the thought of eating this big ass sandwich. He didn’t even remember when was the last time he ate something other than the energy bars they kept around in the lab. Newt always nags Hermann about his eating habits when he’s submerged in work, but he is the one who should actually be nagged.

Where was Hermann anyways? He scanned the lab one more time before shrugging and going back to his food.

Anywhere Hermann was, he was sure to come back at some point.

Except he didn’t.

After two hours of Herm-less lab work, Newt began to worry that something bad has happened to him. He went back to their quarters, looked at the cafeteria twice as well as the bathrooms before going back to the deserted lab, but nothing of Hermann anywhere. He tried calling his phone, but it was no use: Hermann normally didn’t answer it, but this time around it went straight to voicemail.

He felt his chest constrict with panic as he held tight into the lab entrance doorway, closing his eyes to bat away the dizziness. Where the hell was Hermann? Was he ok? Oh, God. Newt hoped he was ok. How did he leave the entire PPDC so fast without being seen by anyone? Without telling him first?

When Newt opened back his eyes, his gaze fell almost instinctively to the ground next to where he was standing and notice something he didn’t see before. It was a strange looking object. Or was it a vegetable? What was this vegetable name again? Eggplant? It’s been decades since he last saw one of this around, how did one appeared out of nowhere in their lab?

Newt sighed and crouched next to the vegetable to get a better look. Whatever this was, sure wasn’t supposed to be in the ground.

He barely even touched the purple thing before it disappeared from existence, leaving Newt to deal with the shock if left in his fingers alone.

\----

_Philadelphia_

“Charlie there’s this strange stuff in the bathroom, go clean it up, dude. I don’t pay you to let gross stuff lying around.” Mac said coming back from the bathroom with a disgusted face.

“Geez, Mac, don’t sound so angry, ok? And I just came back from the bathroom, there isn’t anything gross there… anymore.” he shivered, remembering the size of the turd that was floating in one of the toilets, “You know, I think this one was the biggest of them all.” he took a gulp of his bear.

“I don’t want to know more shit stories, bro, just get in there and clean it, geez.”

“Ok, ok, calm down, Mac.” Charlie got up from his chair, hands in the air and walked into the bathroom, mumbling all the way.

“How could you have missed that in your cleaning?” Mac accused behind him.

Charlie looked stunned at the purple object in front of him.

“I swear this wasn’t here a few minutes ago, dude.” Mac let a frustrated noise at his answer.

“So what? It just appeared out of nowhere here in the middle of the bathroom? That seems more impossible than you missing it.”

“I didn’t miss it! It wasn’t there before!” fuck Mac and his accusatory tone. “Maybe Frank wanted to prank us.”

“What? Frank is not even here today.” Mac let out a sigh, “Look, man, I’m not angry at you for not cleaning this before, but can you do it now? It’s kind of disgusting having this around the place.”

“Do you think this is someone’s shit? Like, someone very sick?” Charlie squatted closer to inspect.

“I don’t know dude, I just want this out of here. Hey-- what are you doing! Don’t touch that, could be radioactive.”

“Pfft, Mac, didn’t you watch any movie?” Charlie said, taking a strong and confident grip on the thing. He looked at Mac cleverly before adding, “Radioactive stuff is bright yellow, this is just pur-”

And he vanished from Mac’s side without a warning, the purple shit gone with him.


End file.
